I am a wedding photographer based in Fresno, CA. For the past 3 years I have been capturing adventurous love stories and helping others feel loved and supported throughout their wedding experience. If there isn't a camera in my hand, you would find me watching Friends or The Office, eating Chick-fil-A, and hanging our with my hubby and puppy.
Bryce and I are coming up on our one year anniversary in a coupe days!! So crazy and it seems like it’s gone by so fast!! I guess time flies when you’re having fun right?! We’ve gone through some hard decisions and life changes this past year and they have helped us keep growing together. I can honestly say I love him more and more every day! So here are some things I have learned about being married.
1. Instead of saying “I, me, you, mine”, say, “us, we, and ours”.
Living by yourself, you don’t really have to depend on anyone for anything. You do what you want to do and when you want to do it. This had to change once we started living together. Instead of saying YOU need to do the dishes we need to say WE need to do the dishes. It takes away the accusatory towards the person and instead of saying they need to do something it becomes a team project. Instead of saying your spouse’s or your debt is holding you back, say OUR DEBT is holding us back. We are becoming more of a team rather than just individual players.
2. Do shared activities and learn to love what they are interested in.
Bryce and I love cooking dinner together whenever we can! We make a pretty great team when it comes to cooking together because he loves doing everything I don’t like doing like cutting the vegetables! We take some breaks to dance to our Google home probably play Ed Sheeran in the background. We laugh together and make memories. I also learned that even though I don’t personally love playing video games, Bryce does. And by showing him I am interested like asking questions, it shows that I care about what he loves. I will choose to love what he loves to show I love him, make sense?!
3. Forgive, Feel Sad/Mad/Upset, Then Forget
Through this first year, we’ve had some big fights, disagreements, and all the real feelings that come out during a marriage. Relationships aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. We’ve hurt each other with our words multiple times and said things that we never meant to say or mean. Once we fight, we learned that we both need to step away and calm down, then come back and ask for forgiveness. It’s sometimes easier to ask for forgiveness than to give forgiveness. But in order to start healing your heart, you need to forgive. After you forgive, it’s not so easy to just forget. We have to feel the emotions in a healthy way, which for me is journaling and talking with my community. I need to let out anger, sadness, and frustration somewhere that isn’t directed at Bryce because he truly was sorry and it’s not okay to keep throwing his mistakes in his face. Then as we try and forget, our minds like to bring it back up and it’s up to us to change the channel and think about something more positive. We have grown a lot through this process and continue to love each other more.
4. We need friends, family, and community.
We get so wrapped up in living together sometimes we don’t actively pursue friendships and family. This was a mistake at the beginning and we are realizing what is important, our people! Then we realized, when’s the last time we called our moms and just talked? Or when’s the last time we went on a double date with friends? Or when’s the last time I had a girls night or Bryce had a bros night? God didn’t bring us together so we ignore everyone else. WE NEED PEOPLE!! Friends that are on both of our sides and when we come venting to them they redirect us to the bigger picture and family that is always supportive and will always be there whenever we need them.
5. You can’t love others well if you don’t love yourself.
Both Bryce and I have struggled with finding ourselves and going through some difficult times together. Being a young couple who is still trying to find their purposes in life and their careers can be difficult. We are both feeling stuck sometimes with where we are and it’s hard to not give in to the devil’s lies about ourselves. I realize that when I’m in a good headspace, I love Bryce in more ways than one, but if I’m having a hard time loving myself, I don’t feel like sharing love with him because it’s exhausting. God has shown us our true selves this past year and has opened our eyes to love where we are in life.
I pray for more lessons and growth in our second year of marriage. I pray that we fall more in love every day and enjoy this time on Earth together!